twitching eyes as the flood flows along

argh...

had a read on dearie's analogy
bout love and shit

interesting i would say
but i would prefer
the analogy of menstruations

cux i'm flooding now and
it feels like a piece of shit
when ya trapped in this situation
during you final exams

stressed with what ya gonna be tested
and a blue-black nail
resulted by the inevitable "obssession" of writing

love,
like the time of the month
when your muscles tears apart
before the female machine starts ovulating again
comes at the least expected time
and sometimes at the most undesirable time

like when ya on a holiday
having exams
or when you intend to go for a swim

it's at the wrong time
and eventually it screws up your day
and finally it ends of badly

and like love,
your decomposing ovaries don't come
falling off the womb
when you expect it to be

waiting patiently or rather
forward, well-prepared for the time of the month
and it doesn't comes around

the harder you try to search and wait for it
the longer it comes to drop you a signal or message

great!

stacks of papers piling up on my desk
how nice would it be if it was legal tender
instead of information regarding how the legal tender
brings about consumption and growth for our
weakening economy

and taking economis doesnt help in the least shit
to boost the economy

and reading about Ohio State Model
the University of IOWA theory
Herseys and Blanchard's Situational Leadership Style
Laissez Faire
Keynes?
Adam Smith?

educates us the way to get work done through others
( defined as: management )

all of a sudden
i had a preference of Alan Smith over
Adam Smith

it's all over soon
before you knew it
by wednesday, all will be well and fine
and hopefully

i'll be able to get back to work
cux i would have no idea how to stray my time away

with friends who are currently mugging away
with mates that might be off entertaining their spouses
with pals working their head off
with peeps who are nowhere to be seen

march has been a slow month
started off with a smile
feeling that ya the most lucky lady on earth

and by the end of the month
you feel like shit

because you are using sanitary pads at a rate of 4 per day
because exams are screwing up your day
because things didnt work out between us
because you didn't left me crying but left me with Q&A by myself
because i'm not treated the way i thought you might
because of the sleepless nights
because of the empty hopes; false hopes; heartless lies
because of the untold truth
because i see myself falling off the precarious edge soon

the impending thunderstorm shall swept me off my feet
and leave me falling off the edge
and once again
climbing up to the peak
to face new challenges
with the most unwilling vital organ

march and soon april
i promise that by end of april
all shall me erased from my HQ

and i will live happily ever after

happy if it all turned out well and reconciled

yet happy
if it didnt turn out the way i wanted it to be
and i'm able to move on with no regrets

never missed you all these while
*cross fingers

all shall be fine and well for tomorrow's war

just what the hell has it got to do with you?

that's it
but i won't do such a thing

there'll be retribution
for my case

i was reminded last night
by some jerks that
i'll suffer from retribution

single all the way
and i'll either end up with
perverts or sunny

but i still love sunny loads
he's my only entertainment
in my whole lecture hall!

he's the reason that brightens up my lecture
or perhaps
my whole class'

my thoughts traced back to last friday
15th april

yeah...
perhaps some things
and some people are just
irreplacable

but stop living in the past
walk out of it and perhaps
you'll find that the sun is brighter than before

the grass is always greener on the other side

the dead can never return
but memories buried deep beneath our hearts

just treasure what's there for you

i'm not asking you to be happy with the current situation

but
wells...
contented i would say

learn to be contented
even they aren't the way you want 'em to be

live with content
instead of living in regrets

regrets are for people
who live within their world of self-pity

what's the use of self-pitying
when you simply can't get anyone to pity you?

oh wells
like a piece of shit

singapore's economy and the stupid budget!

holidays are here soon
in 5 dAYS?
lalalala~

sweet promises of eternity perish away

along with the tickering of seconds

how do you usually strike a conversation

on msn
or via sms

hey, what you doing?

i've been thinking
as to why people like to ask

what you doing?

isn't that irritating
oh well!

i make that mistake at times too
but i'm not like some people

who ask
what you doing

several times within
an hour's conversation!

i was like HELLO!

since there's no common
or interesting topic between the two of us

just end it
and stop making yourself seem awkward
and make me irritated by what you are saying

haix

at least i know how to make myself scram

we used to talk lots
laughed lots
make sacarstic comments
and consoled each other

but now what's left between us
is just silence

or rather
just a hi n bye

and a
i dunno you that well
and i dun wish to talk to you
conversation

3 weeks

great!

ok
i'm not in the best of moods today
and all of a sudden

i felt like having a gathering
at least gossipping might cheer me up

even in the slightest bit

fate is in our hands huh

so what happens in future
depends on what we say
and what we do

*laughs

ok

what's with ok?
ok my head

hit the notes my dear!
*muackx

exams are due next week and i have no idea
what the shit am i doing here right now

somehow someone reminded me that tomorrow's
good friday

a holiday!

great
i lost count of holidays

been gorging myself on chocolates for the past week
and i had a sudden urge for ice cream an hour ago

and i was longing for some tandoori
this afternoon

how nice
and somehow i've been craving for KFC

don't laugh!
when i told my friend i wanted to eat KFC
he was laughing away

i haven't ate KFC for ages ok!

argH!
wanted to watch jian gui
with 'em

but dropped the idea
i don't want to end up
feeling wierd and regret
for staying out with 'em for the evening

come to think of it
it seemed rather stupid of me
to harbour thoughts about
giving up forget me nots and going for chocolates

*laughs

chocolates are bad for health
but hey
NO!

chocolates contains the same chemical
phenylethylamine
that your brain produces when
you ARE IN LOVE!

and

chocolates actually boosts up your metobolism rate
makes you feel happier!
gives you the energy
the vibes
the sex desire?

and

chocolates are considered sex toys
encouraged by sex doctors for foreplays!

somehow it reminded my of
Mc'Donalds

i'm lovin' it!

sigh

what am i doing?

i was bathing
when i thought of something

when does a women feel totally loved
and happy
and fortunate
and god-damn gorgeous?

and when does a women feel totally depressed
lost of hope
damn pissed
tummy of regrets
complaints?

when they are in the shower

and when
they are soaked in that bubbly bath!

*bubbles bubbles
sunny sunny!

hey ladies
do you feel refreshed after a bath
and you feel totally clean
and perhaps liked your hair best
after a shower?

and you'll probably take a shower
when ya at the lowest point
am i right?

or wrong?

i feel like going on about what i thought today

but i shall save it

i jolly well know that i should be way of idling
in my world of econs
management and
accounts

but here i am
crapping

hold on babe
take it easy
do it slow
here i come!

lovely notes
*muacks

sometimes i just wish to be left alone
i have only a pair of legs
a pair of hands
a simple heart

i cant possibly attend to everyone of u

just give me a break

i'm trying my very best to smile
and not offend anyone

but hello

i'm not doing all the willingly ok

i'm obliged to do so

if it was someone else
someone of importance

perhaps it'll be a different story

just don't expect too much for me

i hope u'll understand

so well

forget me nots
had a promotion
from a picture
to words that can be seen
right from the very start

oh wellx

bleahx!

from all these minor stuffs
somehow i sensed that
you,
perhaps have changed
within a few weeks

or am i just thinking too much
shi wo xiang tai duo le
shi ba?

wo men bu ke neng hui dao xiang yi qian na yang le ba

ren yu ren zhi jian
de you yi
de gan qing

huo qu jiu shi ru qi de cui ruo

ta bu rong xu
ren he shang hai
ren he guo qu

sometimes i wonder
what has gotten between us that
things ended up this a way

one week
two weeks
three weeks?

will this stop after the fourth?

perhaps

but i doubt it'll ever happen
lest u wanna prove me wrong

lest u wanna show that
laughters lost
can always find their way back
home

perhaps it's all just false hopes

how could i ever forgot
and overlooked the nature of men!

the nature of winning

that overpowering possession

false hopes
to leave you in despair
when you woke up from your dreams

leaving you stranded
on the path of nightmares

somehow
there's this tiny little voice
whispering
convincing me that
it's not just false hopes
but a path of hope?

how contradicting

a tiny hand pulling you back
everytime you tried to walk away
in disappointment

queries flashed across my mind

making me wonder
how to fully understand
and truly feel
how his root organ works

one day i shall be surgeon
to dig out all those blackie
and fickling hearts

and shall put them on a experiments

huh!

false hopes
disappointed yet feeling funny on the other hand

stupid!

i shall hold some reservations
regarding the falsey hope thing

whether it's false or true

i just wanna be happy

i love myself
*muacks

forget me nots
forget me nots
forget me NOTS!

ARGH!

change that pic!
everytime i see that picture

i.....
*no comments

but i shant pursue it further on

i'm tired now
chatted on the phone till 3am for
2 consecutive days

not that bad
it keeps my mind off thinking somewhere

played pool with J.hong yesterday
since i had nothing better to do
rather entertaining

and i went out with my dear jas today
to study
oh well
didn't cover much

but i can proudly say

I'VE STARTED ON MANAGEMENT!

argh
it seems easy yet
kinda a burden

oh wellx

BCA's finals next week

and i haven started on it
excel should be fine
but i sense queries on access

well oh well

wake up girl

muackx!
give u a hug too
*hugsx

what am i doing
stupid...

if u think being sacarstic
can make me forget about what has happened

and in turn make me hate you
you are WRONG!

since i can survived what has happened in the past
i don't think i will ever come to hate you

never will i...

caught a series of unfortuante events

SUNNY IS TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CUTE!

how adorable

i love kids!
*muackx

great!

i skipped econs lecture today

revision lecture somemore

but i wasnt in any mood to attend lessons anyway

this morning i woke up
feeling lethargic
seems that something is pulling me back

perhaps i'm still unwell

all was fine
till a message got across me

queries in my head
feeling comforted in the heart

why?

i have no idea either
perhaps i am not in the position to ask why

anyway
played pool with ting, jie, rebx, donkey and uncle

walking home
against the wind
somehow i realized that
today seems to be a nice day to fly kites

are you leaving me to fly on my own
for a moment
and holding me back when the time is right

or have you washed your hands of completely
leaving me to wander

read through what happened
the past few months
observing the subtle change
analysing and reading between the words

left me in a complete dilemma

bleahx!

where am i thinking?
*laughs

today will be the last day of school

no way will there be a chance
to say
hi
or
oops

one week after the incident
perhaps the message was for commemoration

i shall place all my concentration
on my studies

if i could

wo ting zhe da tai yang;
zhi xiang wei ni cheng san

school ended at 11 today
fate never crossed

met the girls today
or rather vivian and stephanie

chatted for awhile
before meeting my parents
haix

how nice would it be if si jie mei lives together
maybe one of these days
the four of us chose to be single
and we shall live together!
and enjoy our high lifestyle
pampering ourselves
*grinz

but i wouldn't mind
if the four of us shares one husband

a rich one
of course!

met my parents
cause they said they wanna
go to the airport to fetch my bro

he's back from england today
arriving in the evening
and they are all prepared before noon
SIAOX~

in the end i came home all alone
to enjoy the peace and tranquility

while my parents went touring around singapore
i simply have no idea as to
why and how they spent their whole day

it's none of my business
anyway
i went marketing

bought food to be stored in the fridge
and bought some canned foods

in case you guys have no idea
i haven't ate a proper meal for AGES!

i've been eating out,
da baos,
junk food!

my mum hasn't cooked for ages
cook as in cook a proper meal
she hasn't boiled soup for
erm
months?
a month...

how nice!
and i've been eating dinner alone
if i'm home

sigh

tonight will be the same
since i cant be bothered to fetch my bro
home alone
with the tv
and i shall be nice to myself

to cook up a feast

or i shall eat out
no...i shall stay home

i need to be alone
peace!

not only has my mum stopped cooking

she has stopped doing household chores
for erm
2 weeks?
GREAT!
so i spent 2 hours doing
all the household chores today

i was wondering what has gotten into me today

marketing and doing chores

grooming of a housewife?

like a piece of shit

i can see myself in a few years time
working
being alone

but it's fine
i'm used to life being alone

come to think of it
did i chose to be alone
or am i really alone?

i chose to be alone?
perhaps

sometimes i just cant be bothered to entertain
people whom i don't wish to entertain

imagine going out with someone
then listening to him talk
and bleahx
smile fakingly
as if you enjoyed his company!

i'm not bored to that extent of
torturing myself!

in the past
perhaps i would do such a thing

but somehow after new year
i prefer to have silence
not silence
but peace

not peace but
i have no idea what it is

don't ask why

it's like this

i would rather she never said anything
it made me felt worse
i was perfectly fine this morning
till the unwanted was brought in

innocently
accidentally

oh well

today all of a sudden

i was reminded of my age again
*groans

i'm SEVENTEEN!

but that's not the point
people will normally exclaim

OH 17 ONLY!
SO YOUNG!

like shit!

there's this 1992 year old boy
chatting with me on msn

apparently i thought he was probably in primary school
and much to my surprise
i forgot he's in sec 2!

bleahx
and he talks like a kid la!
he is a kid
so am i!

it's frightening to be old

come to think of it
what have i been doing all these years?

no achievements at all!
argh!

at the end of the day
i have only me myself and i

how nice!

i'm on my road to recovery

yeah!

tomorrow if i'm fully recovered

means that i can go out again!
cheese!

kan kai yi dian de ren
hui bi jiao kai xin

back to my old life le

=)

*smilex

missed the gals
perhaps i'll be meeting them next week

it's been one day

no news

nothing

complete silence

it wasn't like this last saturday

=X

You Are Bold And Brave

But daring? Not usually? You tend to like to make calculated risks. So while you may not be base jumping any time soon... You are up for whatever's new and (a little) exciting!

How Daring Are You?

You Are Somewhat Honest

You do tend to tell the truth a lot But you also stretch the truth on occasion You figure a little lie isn't a big deal As long as it doesn't hurt anyone too much!

How Honest Are You?

You Are Somewhat Logical

(You got 38% of the questions right) Ok, so didn't get the majority of questions right But you did answer some pretty tough questions correctly Logic may not be your strong point, but you hold your own!

How Logical Are You?

You Will Die at Age 67

67 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

You Aren't In the Best Of Moods

While you aren't full on depressed, things aren't going your way. You may be hurt, angry, frustrated... or all three. Not to worry - you'll be feeling fine in no time.

What Mood Are You In?

i'm officially sick
GREAT!

with a sore throat and
a runny nose
i keep sneezing

HELLO!
is anyone cursing me that hard?
or just simply miss me too much?

bleahx

it's been a long time since i felt so sick

bad things do happen in a row

so that when ya sick
you can have something to occupy your mind?

=X

and neh neh ask me why i never post his pic up!
so i shall post it!
neh neh is one shuai shuai!
he's coming to ngee ann!
YEAH!

though he has grown up le
but somehow i just feel
he's still a boy boy =)

here you go
me n linus!


and i took a nice pic this morn
it's been quite some time since i took pictures
here you go!


haha...=)

hope that i can have a great weekend!
hopefully
but i doubt so!

things will be fine
eventually...

but sometimes
its fate

other than a sincere apology
is there anything else
ya waiting for?

perhaps forget me nots came running back
and chocolates were just something
that standed in

chocolates make one feel
super duper xing fu!

I don't wanna knowIf your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know

I'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know
That I don't wanna let you go
And I don't wanna let you leave

another day is gone
by tomorrow
my PMS will be officially leaving me

i'm sure i'll feel much better tomorrow

oh well
skipped POA revision lecture today
and it's rather nice to realize that
there won't be lectures next week
and that i haven't attended
much lectures this week
haha...=)

reached school about 10
and tried to do my work
in canteen 1

observing people
and the live radio
and i realized that mass comm people
have been playing the same music
over and over again
everyday!

can they burn new songs?

i really tried my very best to finish my tutorials
but
i saw tb23
and i went to sat around with them
chat and chatted

they are going to sentosa this saturday
seems that the class has indeed
become much bonded now
but sadly i won't be joining them
since i had something else in mind
for this weekend
sorry peeps

i'm feeling rather sick now
i should have known myself better
to abstain from all the junk food today

ate junk!
total junk cum a waste of money
i had sushi
and a dessert of sea coconut with aloe vera
it's not nice at all
ate half of it
threw away half a waffle
had a can of green tea
drank yakult cux jasmine tempted me
had chicken chop and to realize that
half of the chicken was made up of FATS!
argh!

now i'm suffering with a sore throat
and i keep sneezing away
someone must have either missed me too much
or is cursing me away

but i guess it's the latter
bao ying for always playing around
*laughs

played shadow game with zhikai today
and zhikai broke kaiting's record
in CRAXY TAXI~
soon the whole of tb12 will be berserk!

pang kok meng
taught us to learn to trust other today
his definition of trust
is definitely different from my class'
definition of THrUST!

perhaps mr pang was right
we shouldn't trust
but we should learn to trust

oh man
how contradicting!

i'm just crapping here
since i have nothing better to do

waiting and waiting
tried to take a step forward
but simply felt that i had to retreat

i think i better sleep
haven't been sleeping well these days

perhaps that's why
i'm falling sick =X

stuck in a dilemma

was the last best thing
one would ever want

taking things rather seriously these days

bleahx

even the bushy talk with class didnt help much

laughing away
but not to the heart's content

perhaps it's because
of all the cascading issues

no matter how you try to escape from it
it'll appear in front of you

from this to that
eveytime i try to run away

my dear mum will try to remind me
of all those things i have to face

and what the shit

no one ever bothered to help
or perhaps they did

they tried

"hmm, dunno, but its over le, then let it be ba"
bout that incident?
bout both of us?

did i ever tell anyone i hate sms n msn?

i prefer to do things over and done with
straight forward ones

yes means yes
over means over

but..that's life

she's an independent girl afterall

at least to you

today has been...
no comments

sunny was disgusting
i'm totally disgusted
argh!

there's never a perfect clean ending
to a playing start

roads are rocky
rivers are whiny

life isn't a breeze
so is the game
or rather the chapter

i have no idea
what will happen next

we just have to see how it goes

just like what i always say

till then
we shall see

but somehow
i have a bad feeling about it

*cross fingers

perhaps it's just nothing but a dream
my own dream

time to wake up girl
give you a kiss
*muackx

it'll be fine de
it's not the first time
you managed to survive the past ones
this one will be fine too

you don't need someone to lean on
you'll be fine alone
perhaps...

i've been a great girl this weekend
accompanied my parents

muhahaha...
but i'm feeling bored now
home alone! *sobx

should have went out
to eat fei cui with them!
and maybe get a complimentary webcam

sigh

leave me alone at home
with nothing better to do! HUH!

played gunbound since 1pm
since i'm kinda sick of crazy taxi now

i'm trying to find a new game to play
bored...exams coming

and i'm still rotting
oh wellx, i shall start studying soon

especially management when
i never went for the lectures
and i never paid much attention during tutorials

shall start and finish my WCOM revision today
there won't be time tomorrow
and i'm catching hitch on tuesday
*smilex cum grinz

I REGRET STAYING AT HOME!
argh!
but its nice though...
quiet cool weather

but something that really irritated me
is my nails
i broke my hand nail yesterday
while trying to fight with
my xiao didi
*sobs

and today
as i was trying to give my toes a new look
ta-dah
one big blue black beneath my thumb toe!

argh!
so ugly!
i have no idea whether its a blood clot
or nail polish poison

but its so embarrassing
wanted to paint a new colour
to hide the black clot
but!
i'm afraid it'll worsen it
so i have to bear with it
*sobz

and it gave me a nice excuse
to trim my toe nails
then perhaps one month later
i'll have better lookinh toes again!
=)

but for now
i have no idea how ugly my toes are!
or rather my thumb toe
its sO orh ba kak!-_-"

just got home
sent my brother off

well
muhahahahahaha!
no one is gonna snatch anything
from me ANYMORE!

well at least for the next 3 - 4 mths
he'll be off at england
then off to boarding school
and finally off to sabah!

muhahahaha!

and with his constant camps
bet he won't be at home for nights!

YEAH!

but i will miss him
no one for me to hit
to beat
to scold
to slap
to hug!

oh man, where's my dog?

it's like 1 something
and i'm not feeling sleepy at all

i should be sleepy
physically tired
mentally tired

tests passing by
projects gone by

i'm still mentally stressed out

its kind of stressing when
someone don't trust you at all

not as trust but
holds a reservation against you
or perhaps i shouldn't use the word against

it's too strong a word

i never expected things to turn out so dramatic
a total 180 degress change

a total new feeling
a total new incident
a brand new game?

wan wan kai shi
jiu yi ding yao
wan wan jie shu?

i don't quite understand
yet i don't feel like questioning

i respect your decision
your choice
your thoughts

i'm left with no choices at all
or should i say
i don't have that right to

since in the first place
you cant have that complete trust or seriousness in me

u never expected to turn out this way
neither did i

to me
it was rather a change
i've been rather firm on my stand

but have no idea as to why
i start to wobble
but i guess soon
i'll be able to stand up on my feet again

you call the shots
you want the tutorials to end?
for the game to begin?

or just let the game end?
or rather let it continue?

to me
GAME's OVER

since u wanted it to be in a serious form
i can

but i still prefer the past

i still prefer laughing my head off
and just be happy and contented for that very moment

the humour was like just gone
with a twirl of my fingers

"we used to be in cahoots
now we turn against to pit with each other"

i absolutely agree with you

i never expected that

i treated what i said for the past months
as a joke
just a joke then

and i knew u understood it perfectly well
till in recent days

GAME's OVER and the
story begins?

i leave it to you

and stop pushing everything to me
and stop testing me out

believe what you believe

and other than loving chocolates and strawberries

there's perhaps another you should know

i never had the passion for triangles